![I heard recently that the two most important needs for a human are to be fully and wholly loved and to be fully and wholly known. Having lost a child, there are things that I feel that not everyone can understand and leaves a lot to be desired on the fully and wholly known side of the equation.
On the eve of Mother’s Day and with Father’s Day on the horizon, it is important to point out that these holidays are not all the Hallmark commercials make them out to be. There are people who feel a hurt similar to ours in that they have children that they cannot hold, hug or see. On the flip side, there are children (of all ages) who can only imagine what their parents would be like or are trying to navigate the new normal without one or both. And a group that knows the hurt of missing both [parent(s) and child(ren)].
As these holidays creep up, say a prayer for the people that fall into any of the categories. Remember how blessed you are if you have both your children and your parents. Call or text someone you know who may be struggling with the holidays to remind them of the fact that they are known and loved by the people in their circle.
We know that only God can fully know and love us, but we also know that we are His hands and feet. The physical manifestation of a God that we cannot see.
To anyone that fits into any of these categories: I love you and pray you are able to find joy in a time you may very well dread.
To the people that have sent extremely thoughtful cards, flowers, gifts and messages: thank you for making this season more manageable. You are simply the best.
Counting it all Joie,
Ryce](https://scontent-hou1-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t39.30808-6/345623435_1324073844810219_2506262850959314565_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_tt6&_nc_cat=102&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=18de74&_nc_ohc=1ZMOi9foo98Q7kNvgESpLlD&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-hou1-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=AM6HXa8EAAAA&_nc_gid=AjsFjRwc9lLdQhHtWfXaQvr&oh=00_AYAVIMug8rClZzdNGkCDiWMKTdSjfMGTpzmps9evFkag9A&oe=679E5F3F)
… it don’t go your way. Sometimes it does. Last year, when I started writing a list of things I’ve learned in the latest lap around the sun I would have never imagined the ups and downs the 34th trip would bring. I’m grateful for another year of life for sure and am even more excited to share the lessons lap 34 taught me.
Situation:
If you’ve been rocking with me since last year, you know that on my birthday (the best day of the year) I like to share some lessons that I’ve learned. The 2019 edition is still up and available here. Check it out! This year for me has been the personification of HER’s song Sometimes. It hasn’t been all bad, but I’ve definitely had some challenges to overcome and some moments that made me reflect. I promise I’m celebrating. It’s just that as I reflect and really put into perspective what I’ve gathered this past year of life… it’s just raw and real.
Observation:
1. Embrace the Mundane
In the past couple of months, we have all gotten really comfortable with the idea of relaxing and just “being”. For some it has been a shock to their systems and for others it’s been the break they needed. For me, it was a combination of both. I’ve been able to really rest and actually enjoy that rest without the pressure of getting back to busy. I don’t know about you, but for me having the time to just enjoy my husband, family and friends has been refreshing. The conversations via phone and Zoom have been awesome. I honestly hope this is something that we keep beyond COVID. Gone are the days of hurrying up and waiting. Right now, we get to sit and watch life happen. I really hope you are taking advantage of this once in a lifetime situation. What have you noticed during this slower pace of life?
2. Everyone Can’t Come With You
Looking back over the last year, I realized that something that my mom told me when I was really young is still very true. “People are in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime.” You think you know exactly who’s going to be in your circle and assume they’ll be there (unless they’ve lost a spot on the roster, of course). While some of these situations are purely based on what you are willing to tolerate and from whom, the harsh reality is that sometimes the lifetime portion of the equation comes to an end when the other person’s life does. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s a part of life. My advice: Be intentional about who can tag along on your journey. Life is too unpredictable and precious to carry people that don’t add to it.
3. Don’t Reduce Yourself
I was talking to a friend the other day and this is what I said to her: ” You can’t bow so that others feel ok about themselves. Just watch who cheers for you and who doesn’t and make a mental note for future reference. Miserable people will find any reason to try to rain on other people’s parades. Your job is to just make sure you don’t feed into their outward display of insecurity” Realizing that everyone doesn’t get to join you for the entirety of your journey goes hand in hand with this. If you have to be less than who you are to be in a circle, you’re in the wrong circle. BE YOU & GET OUT! The right people won’t be offended by ALL of who you are.
4. Try Something New
In the movie “After Earth”, Will Smith says to his son “The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist.” The truth is that fear will stop us from trying something new. Over the past year, I have had to overcome several fears. Not all of them have been major, but choosing to ignore the voice that says “what if it doesn’t work?” has been huge in the past year. I’ve done and achieved some really cool things all because I chose to TRY. If you’re on the fence about something, jump off. You’d be surprised what you can do (like boogie boarding). Which is a great segue to point number 5.
5. Keep Failing and Keep Pushing
I’d love to say that everything I tried worked out great. Actually, quite the opposite is true. I had to endure some wipeouts, no’s, not right nows and absolutely nots. They still stink for sure, but they have gotten me some excellent results because just beyond the disappointment of getting a negative response or outcome, there is something positive. I’ll share the stories later. I’m still pushing through some disappointments, but I have faith that all things are ultimately working together for my good. You might be thinking I’m crazy at this point, but think about it. You have 100% success rate of getting through tough stuff. Let that sink in. Fail faster and push harder, my friend.
Additional Note:
I lost another piece of my heart last year and I don’t know that that hurt will ever go away, but I do know that my Pops was one of the best to ever do it and for that I’m grateful. I’m sad to not be calling him up today and joke around about why my birthday was the best day for him to get married, but I know that one day we’ll be able to celebrate again.
Piece of Ryce:
With all of the uncertainty and turmoil plaguing us daily, I am still optimistic that this next rotation is going to be one of the best. I choose to believe that our world is getting better and with each passing day, there will be more and more to appreciate. I’d like to encourage you to take inventory of your life and make edits. We are finite and have a limited time to make the impact that we are purposed to. The message fueling this next orbit is the one given to me by my Great Grandma Sarah (who’s completing her 100th lap around the sun). “You make your life what you want it to be. What you put out is what you get.”
Still smiling from ear to ear!
![I heard recently that the two most important needs for a human are to be fully and wholly loved and to be fully and wholly known. Having lost a child, there are things that I feel that not everyone can understand and leaves a lot to be desired on the fully and wholly known side of the equation.
On the eve of Mother’s Day and with Father’s Day on the horizon, it is important to point out that these holidays are not all the Hallmark commercials make them out to be. There are people who feel a hurt similar to ours in that they have children that they cannot hold, hug or see. On the flip side, there are children (of all ages) who can only imagine what their parents would be like or are trying to navigate the new normal without one or both. And a group that knows the hurt of missing both [parent(s) and child(ren)].
As these holidays creep up, say a prayer for the people that fall into any of the categories. Remember how blessed you are if you have both your children and your parents. Call or text someone you know who may be struggling with the holidays to remind them of the fact that they are known and loved by the people in their circle.
We know that only God can fully know and love us, but we also know that we are His hands and feet. The physical manifestation of a God that we cannot see.
To anyone that fits into any of these categories: I love you and pray you are able to find joy in a time you may very well dread.
To the people that have sent extremely thoughtful cards, flowers, gifts and messages: thank you for making this season more manageable. You are simply the best.
Counting it all Joie,
Ryce](https://scontent-hou1-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t39.30808-6/345623435_1324073844810219_2506262850959314565_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_tt6&_nc_cat=102&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=18de74&_nc_ohc=1ZMOi9foo98Q7kNvgESpLlD&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-hou1-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=AM6HXa8EAAAA&_nc_gid=AfsOlaKNICbnjr7BiPx41nZ&oh=00_AYBWNICACPwcE_6ynt4Rpb_G8deXcOSrOmkJI2t2V4yKFA&oe=679E5F3F)
Happy Birthday!!! This was such a great read and thanks for sharing all the lessons you learned.
Thank you so much! I really enjoy looking back on these and seeing how I’ve grown over the years.